i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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