Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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