What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love accidental penises.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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