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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
