I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
