He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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