whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
