whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
