Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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