the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
