recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
