He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
