ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
