Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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