you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
