My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
