I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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