Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he thought i was a dude.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
