Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
