Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
