If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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