if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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