Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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