We're facebook friends in real life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
