i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
