She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
