the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
