I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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