apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
