Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
