I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize