You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
