This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's great music for shaving your balls
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
