I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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