Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
two words...techno handjob
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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