Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
