I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
