No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
