when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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