not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
