so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
