Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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