she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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