My nipple is on Facebook.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
