he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
