I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
