he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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