Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bring me that man meat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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