i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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