That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
