Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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