Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
