My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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