A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
