hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
