Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
