So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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