we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize