Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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