I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
