My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
