We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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