I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
