How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
