hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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