i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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