I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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