SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
