pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
