We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
